Conflicts

I hate conflicts! I hate being upset and frustrated, especially if it's with someone that I love. I find myself throwing up my hands, leaving or saying something rude to end the conversation. Since I have taken this course, I have been reminded of what effective and respectful communication looks like.

Last weekend I threw a friend of mines a baby shower. I was the host and planner of the baby shower. When some her of friends showed up, they wanted things to go a different way than what I had planned. For example, if I wanted to play three games, then they wanted to play one. If I asked them to sit at one table, they wanted to sit at another. After being at the party for an hour, I begin to get frustrated with all the last minute changes.

I asked one of the friends, I'll call her Claire (so that I can protect her identity), to come into the kitchen with me. Once Claire came in the kitchen I said, "Hi Claire, thank you so much for coming. I noticed that there are somethings that you would like to change, so lets do this, lets make a compromise, I have planned out the party, but if you see something that could be done better, let me know and we will figure it out together." Claire was super shocked that I said this and replied, "No everything is great, I was just trying to help." I told her I understood, and we went back to the party and Claire didn't tell me anything else.

I can think of a million different ways this problem could have been solved, but it would probably result from me being in jail. I think because I was respectful, responsive and really trying to include Claire, this helped our conflict. At the end of the party, she came and gave me a big hug, and said that it was a great party.

One of my goals last week was to remain calm. Along with nonviolent communication, the three R's and remaining calm, my conflict had ceased, and what I originally viewed as a negative, turned into a positive.